They Didn't
by tokyodowntown
Summary: Howard's wallowing in self-pity, and Raj tells him something to cheer him up. Takes place at the end of season 3. Will probably turn into PWP, and from chapter two that is becoming more and more apparent.
1. The Start

"Love doesn't exist." Howard sunk on to the couch in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, with this sordid declaration arousing the attention for all who were gathered for the gang's usual dinner.

"And you're only realizing this now? Love is just a feeling brought about by a series of chemicals in our brain that trick us into being loyal to those with whom we choose to procreate." Sheldon didn't even look up from his Chinese take-out, and as soon as he was finished speaking he resumed eating.

"What happened Howard? Bad day?" Penny asked, clearly ready to use her expertise to help.

"I've just been thinking a lot about stuff...about women and how they treat me. I don't think one woman has ever been in love with me."

"Don't worry Howard. It took me a long time before I found Penny..." Leonard drifted off, remembering his rejected 'I love you' to the woman earlier this year and he uncomfortably looked over to her. Penny shifted in her seat, also looking at Leonard but not making eye contact. "I mean, what I'm trying to say is that it took me a long time before I found a woman I really cared about, so you shouldn't give up because of a few bad experiences."

"Exactly!" Penny chimed in "Especially since you guys are geeks, it'll take a little longer to find 'the one'. Your relationship with Bernadette lasted a long time, so you should be proud of that."

"But she didn't really like _me_." Howard let his shoulders slump and he lifelessly reached forward for his Chinese take-out.

"She did so! She never shut up about you! What are you talking about? " Penny yelled.

"I don't know; just the feelings of a socially-retarded geek." Howard fell into the couch and opened his take-out and proceeded to dig in.

"I think I'm missing something here. What exactly brought this up?" Sheldon curiously turned his head towards Howard.

"I'm just feeling especially downtrodden today" Howard replied in between bites "Because I was turned down by a woman in a wheelchair."

"They have standards too." Penny caustically shot, internally reeling from the implication that Howard suggested that she called him socially-retarded.

"I know they're people too, but this woman was so low, and I couldn't even get her."

"And how does this segue into your assertion that love doesn't exist?" Sheldon asked, his eyes trained on Howard.

"Because this made me realize that I've only been going after women because I wanted a girlfriend. I want someone to be there for me so badly that I never even tried for compatibility. Am I so shallow that I only go for a body?"

Leonard interjected "There's nothing wrong with that-"

"But that's not love." Howard shot back. "So, I thought back to all the women that ever agreed to date me on a long term basis and I realized that all of us had nothing in common except physicality. That made me really depressed - isn't there a woman out there who I find attractive and have something in common with?" Howard stared into the take-out box on his lap during his entire speech.

"If Sheldon found someone that's his freakin' duplicate in a female body, you should be fine." Penny said after a moment.

Howard looked up and grinned."You're right Penny. Thanks." he chose to refrain from his trademark come-on for Leonard's sake.

"I love you" a soft voice whispered in his ear, and softer hands pressed against his head cupping his ear. It was from Raj on his right, a usual silent participant in the dinner conversation when Penny was present. The warm breath was a usual feeling on his ear, but the words were new.

However, without missing a beat Howard replied publicly "Thanks Raj, but that's not exactly what I mean."

"I mean it though. I really love you." Raj had collapsed his hands from the usual distant whispering pose, and now his lips were threatening to touch his ear. Suddenly, the hands left Howard's cheek, and Raj sat up straight.

"That's really not necessary Raj." Howard turned to look at Raj, who was beet red. Seeing his face, it hit Howard instantly that Raj was talking about real, romantic love. "Wait, what are you talking about-"

Raj cupped Howard's ear again and whispered softly "I realized it awhile back. I just wanted to let you know because I thought it might cheer you up."

"How would this cheer me up? I really don't understand-" Again, the hands collapsed and Raj's lips were nibbling at Howard's earlobe. Gently, the man began to suckle at Howard's ear, the intensity growing with each nibble. Howard's whole body froze up, as his mind was struggling to keep up with what was happening. However, his body betrayed his mind and the initial stiffness from Howard grew to ecstasy. His face grew hot and his palms sweaty, with the sweet feel of Raj's lips on his ear. Before he could let himself go, he realized that there was no way in hell Raj's hands were hiding what was going on from the rest of the room. A quick glance to Penny indicated his fears were true, as her incredulous look to Howard was enough to make him push Raj away. He looked to Leonard, who's jaw was slack, and once again to Penny who's eyebrow was quickly raised.

"Howard, what did Raj say?" Sheldon broke the ice. Howard couldn't believe this man. Either his vantage point of being on the same couch as the action honestly left him unable to see what happened or he honestly had no idea.

"He said that we have to go. Howard stood up, his take-out falling out of his lap, bouncing off the coffee table and hitting the floor. "I'll clean that up when I come back."

"Maybe Raj can clean it up with his mouth - it's cleaner than your ear." Leonard snorted.

"I'll have you know I'm very thorough-" Howard stomped his foot. "C'MON RAJ." he called. Raj waved to Leonard and Penny, who both waved back. Folding up his take-out box, he slowly stood up only to be grabbed by the arm by Howard on the way up. Taking Raj with him, he stormed out.

"Really, I'll never understand that man?" Sheldon said.

"Which one?" Leonard asked.

"Howard - he know full well that he has no intention of cleaning this up." Leonard and Penny shot each other a look, and both sighed. Howard and Raj's relationship would remain a mystery to Sheldon for the time-being.


	2. The Rationalization

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Howard yelled the second he and Raj were outside of the apartment. He was sure the others heard the outburst, but he didn't really care.  
"Dude, you heard me in there. I-I-," Raj stammered, having trouble saying the words again without the security of his hands keeping the words from travelling to unintended ears. "I've known I've liked you for awhile."

"You're straight though. You're so shy around women you can't even talk to them. Or is it some other reason that you can't talk to women? Like you hate them so much you can't even talk to them?" Howard accused.

"No, I am really shy around women-,"

"That's even worse! You just like me as a surrogate for a woman then?" Howard shuddered, the sexual implications frightening him.

"No that's not it either!" Raj sighed. "Can I explain?"

"Please do," Howard folded his arms.

"Up until this point, I've always liked women," Howard raised an eyebrow, but Raj continued. "But one day I was taking care of business." Raj made a loosely clenched fist with his right hand and moved it up and down.

"Yeah, I got it without the gesture. I don't like where this is going, but go on..." Howard shook his head.

"So I was going at it one day, and I just thought of you."Raj shrugged. "It really worked, so ever since then I've been into you."

Howard's entire body went slack. "W-what exactly did you fantasize about." he asked cautiously, with every word regretting the question he was about to ask.

"Just the usual." Raj shrugged again. "You giving me a blowjob." he further explained without any prodding.

"Oh." Howard fell on the wall, next to the door of Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. "I see." he replied weakly. "And how long have you felt like this?"

"A year and a half, maybe two years now,"

Howard closed his eyes and put his hand to his forehead. All this time, the man he considered his best friend was in love with him. There was no good way to respond to this. If he brushed him off, their friendship would never be the same. But if he reciprocated, he'd be in a gay relationship. And he wasn't gay. Opening his eyes but still leaning against the wall, Howard looked Raj directly in the eyes and spoke softly. "I'm sorry Raj, but I'm not gay."

"Neither am I," Raj smiled.

"Well...yes, you are because you're telling me you love me,"

"No dude, I'm bisexual,"

"Same difference,"

"Listen, Howard! You're the first man I ever liked! It's like what you were saying in there - all those girls didn't love you. And you didn't really love them either - you just wanted their body and they wanted yours, for some reason."

"You want it too, so I wouldn't throw stones." Howard said weakly.

"Not exclusively though Howard. Listen," Raj cupped Howard's face in his hands. "I was planning on saying something for awhile now, and I'm really not expecting you to fall into a relationship with me. But what you were saying in there, I really think that you're finally on my wavelength - that at this point in our lives we want to stop the futile chasing of the opposite sex and settle down. And if that happens to be with someone of the same sex, well for me it's not a big deal. Especially if it's you." he whispered the last part, and Howard turned bright red.

"Well Raj, I...I just don't know...I mean, it makes sense from a companionship point of view. But we'll be together for the rest of our lives, regardless of whether it's romantic or not. You don't have to go to that level," Howard refused to look Raj in the eye, despite the fact that his head was firmly stuck in place. "We'll be friends forever, so let's just forget that you ever said anything., okay? You're clearly confused after all," he chortled.

"Am I really?" Raj tilted his head and shot Howard a look. "I'm not so confused that I know that I want your body as well as your time." he hissed this so confidently that Howard forcibly took a step back and almost fell down the stairs. Raj stepped forward to grab his arm, but Howard evaded his grasp.

"I can't believe you would be saying this to me, your best friend, and a man at that. I'm straight through and through, and nothing is ever going to change that. I don't love you how you love me, so get that through your head, okay? I can hire a translator if you don't understand the phrase I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT." Howard yelled, and proceeded to go down the stairs. Undeterred, Raj followed him, calling after him all the way into the lobby where Howard abated and turned to face his follower.

"Howard please, I still want to be friends. I didn't think you'd take it this badly," Raj apologized sincerely. "That said, can you please just think carefully about it?" he winced, knowing full well that Howard wasn't going to be gentle.

"I do not want to suck your cock. I don't want to suck anybody's cock. That's really all there is to it, isn't there?" Howard put his hands on his hips, threatening to explode if prodded further.

"It was like that for me at first too-"

"Then why did you push it? Why did you keep trying to think of fucking me? Please explain."

"Because in every other way, you complete me." The clich rolled naturally off of Raj's tongue, and his gaze quickly averted to the ground. "You get me. We want the same things out of life, we have the same values, and I don't want to let gender get in the way of that."

Howard didn't say anything for a moment. Again, Raj was mentioning all the things that make good friends - similar interest and no sex. He took a deep breath "I can see where you're coming from, but you are missing the important part of sexual attraction.

"Weren't you tired of that though? I am," Raj took several quick steps towards Howard and kissed him hard on the lips. He didn't touch him in any other way, but Howard didn't move away. The heat that he felt from Raj lips in his entire body wouldn't let him. He felt Raj's sincere desire for him, and without thinking about it, he put his hand on the small of Raj's back. When Raj pulled away, Howard's hand also dropped.

"Oh my God," Howard whispered. "I'm gayer than I thought."

"I thought so, with all the effort you put into chasing after women," Raj smirked.

"Don't you get cocky with me!" Howard yelled. "I'm going home, and I don't want to see you again for a long time."

"Tomorrow at eight PM, my house," Raj was still smirking.

Howard turned around to face the exit. "No!" he yelled.

"Eight thirty then?"

"M-maybe..." Howard stammed.

"Perfect. If you're a bit late, your mom kept you then?"

"F-Fine!" With that, Howard stomped out the exit. Raj stood and smiled, watching him get to the sidewalk and turn the direction to his mother's house. He tried to take a more solemn look on his face to return upstairs to gather his and Howard's forgotten belongings, but he couldn't contain his jubilation. Truthfully, this was more than he ever thought he was going to get from Howard. He'd been thinking of his moment of confession in a variety of situations for over a year, and never did it go as well in his head than it did just now. Normally it ended with a slap to the face in his imagination, so this was an absolute relief. This was the most stressful, and yet simultaniously happiest that Raj had been in a long time, and he couldn't stop beaming.

"I don't see what you dragged me down here for Penny." Sheldon's monotone floated down from the landing of the first flight of stairs. "Raj and Howard are having some sort of disagreement, and they've agreed to work it out at a later date. I don't see anything homosexual about that at all." Howard and Raj's relationship would remain a mystery to Sheldon for the time-being. 


End file.
